Know Your Stars
by Sans Amour
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Harry Potter and Co. went on Know your stars? Well, now you shall find out....
1. Harry and Voldemort

Know Your Stars, Harry Potter Style

Muahahahahaha hello, decide to make a know your stars Harry Potter addition.

The talker in the show shall be known as…… Snufalufgus

And of course the first person to come on the show in none other then……. HARRY POTTER!

Warning: all of the characters in this story will be bashed in someone even if I like them, cuz it's fun though to make fun of them anyway

"Harry Potter…….. Is inlove with him self……."

"What? That's not true, o what……..yes it is." Flashes sexy grin

"Ewwwww that is so wrong"

"Whats so wrong about my sexy body?"

"Ok then moving on…… Harry Potter…….. Loves frozen squirrel pies for dinner"

"That's a lie! I am secretly in love with the rock cakes Hagrid makes."

"God, even I didn't know you were this much of prat"

"I am Not a Prat"

"Yes you are"

"No I'm not"

"Are"

"Not"

"Are"

"Not"

"Shut up, you're driving me crazy."

"No you shut up, you're driving me crazy."

"Arrrrrg! How can Hermione and Ron stand you?"

"Oh well they just love me like the rest of the world."

"Well, no not the rest of the world, I don't love you."

"W…What? You don't Love me?" burst out in tears

"Oh, Harry I'm sorry, I do love you" Pats back sympathetically

"Ah Ha! Now everyone in the world loves me. You admitted it!"

"O Darn! I was tricked!"

"That's right, you were tricked by me, The-Boy-Who-Tricked-The-Host-Speaker"

"I thought you were The-Boy-Who-Lived"

"I go by many names, my favorite is Sex kitten"

"Ok, please I can't stand this self-conceited Moran anymore please take him away.

Security comes and drags Harry away.

"Ehm, sorry about that…… Next up we have Lord Voldemort!"

"I shall kill you all."

"Now Voldy, it is ok if I call you that right?"

"NO!"

"Ok good Voldy, Now….. Voldemort….. takes secret yoga class with Snape on the weekends."

"What! What in bloody hell is yoga? Is it some muggle thing that is disgusting!"

"Hey, I'm a muggle, and I could kick your asssssss Biatch"

"Oooo You didn't say what I though you did girlfriend"

"Don't you talk to me in that tone"

"I will do what eva I feel like it, youz jus a fugly azz bitch that can't get wa she needz"

"Oh yeah bitch? I run with twelve gangs."

"O yeah? I run with 13 gangs and run 3 of my own gangs"

"Wha eva wha eva I do wha I wannn"

"Youz jus jeeealouzzz"

"Ok then moving on…….Lord Voldemort…. Iz so weak tha little biaaaatch 'Arry Potter can whoop hes azzz in a street fight"

"Oooo you better shut up or I'll pop a cap in your bitch azz"

"I'd like to see you try Mofo." pounces on Voldemort

attacks

New voice "Please, please will some one separate them please?"

Voldemort and Snufalufagus are pulled apart

That's it for now, did you like it. I hope you did, I'm open to ideas and flames and you can request someone you want next


	2. Ron and Draco

Know Your stars

Hello! I'm back again! I felt so motivated when I got my first review for this story, like 2 minutes after I posted it. Special thanks so Karmadreamz. I'm kind of using your idea, just different

Know please welcome Back snufalufugus

" Ronald Weasley…….. is a Queen"

"Damn Straight! Queen of Bondage that is!" throw off clock reviling him wearing pleather hot pants along with pleather crochless pants with a pleather vest

"Yes Queen of Bon….. WHAT?"

"That's right, Queen of Bondage, I really enjoy the night live, cruising local clubs with my crew, having hot gang bangs."

"Ahhhhhhh god to much information! My eyes the burn just imagining that ahhhhhhhhhh!"

"I think I look sexy in these clothes."

"Well lets ask Hermione what she thinks, Hermione what do you think about Ron being a Bondage Queen?"

"Well….. I do find that kind of sexy in a guy, but me personally when have sex I like to dress up in furry animal costumes" Ron lets out a sexy growl

"You wanna get together some time 'mione?" he asked sexily

"Sure, Ms. Bondage Queen" Ron and Hermione walk off stag

"Hey, hey RON! I'm not done with the interview part yet! I didn't even get to the part about you shagging Malfoy….." Snufulufagus said in a very depressed voice. "Oh well… next we have Draco Malfoy…"

Dragged out onto stag by to big muscularly men

"Hey! I don't want to be on this stupid muggle show!"

"Now now Draco please calm down"

"I will not BLOODY HELL CALM DOWN! I was woken up in the middle of the night and I was having a wonderful dream about purple flying hippos and me and my clown friends running through a field of flowers"

"Well that's nice Draco… Or should I say Brittany?"

"Brittany? Why would you call my Brittany?"

"There is no need to hide it anymore Draco, I know that you're really… BRITTANY SPEARS!" gasp

"O no! You've found out my secret, I just love little British boys and I wanted to meet Harry Potter and so I became a British boy named Draco Malfoy, but then I met Harry and I was so nervous that I was mean to him!"

"There, there Brittany. I'm sure that since I just found that Harry as a egotistical jerk he will shag you."

"You really think so? You think he'll do me?"

"Trust me Brittany, I have a feeling that he'll shag anything that stands still for more than a minute"

"Oh thank you! Hugs Snufulufagus I'm off to shag Harry now!"

Runs off stage shouting Harry

"Now wasn't that and interesting show everyone?"

Now folks, here's a very special bonus, an interview for Snufulufagus!

"So Snuffy, what's it like working with Harry Potter and Co.?"

"Oh well I must say their very interesting people to work with. And it's just so fun digging up lit bits of information about them and exposing it on TV!"

"O I see, who would your favourite be so far?"

"well I really enjoyed whopping Voldemort's azz after da show. You know? You heard what that biznatch was saying to moi. Like she thinks she can walk

alllll over me, but she is such a dumb Biaaaaatch, it'z not even funnnny."

"You know that Voldemort is a man right?"

"Oh…. Yeah of course I knew that. It just sounded better"

"Right…. Now lets see next question….. If you could bang anyone from Harry Potter who would it be?"

"Well, before it would have been Malfoy, but as you know it turns out he's Brittany Spears so yeah…… I guess I would have to go with Blaise Zabini, who so far seems normal"

"Oh that's nice, next question…who's your favourite professor?"

"SNAPE OF COURSE! I mean really, I love that oily bat! He soooo funny, and we get along so well. And well, you'll find out when I interview him."

"When will the Snape interview be happening?"

"Oh, in 2 or 3 episodes."

"Who do you look forward to interviewing the most?"

"Well it would either be, Hagrid, Sirius Black, or The Weasley twins."

"If you had a patronus (did I spell that right? I'm to lazy to look it up in the book), what shape would it take?"

"An cute fuzzy little bunny that you would think is harmless, but then when you get close to it, it turns into a monster and eats your stomach."

"Oh, how nice, well that concludes are interview……"

There we go. Second chapter up. Feel free to review with request and ideas.


	3. Lucius and Snape

Know Your Stars

Hello! And welcome back! Today on Know your Stars we will be having the ever so unpopular Snape! And Lucius Malfoy!

Ok first of all, I'd just like to thank everyone for reviewing! Reviews really keep me going and they make me know people wanna keep reading and as long as I still get reviews, I will keep writing.

"Hello! And welcome back to another wonderful episode of Know Your Stars! I'm your host, Snufulufagus! First up we have Snape! Come on up Snape!"

Snape slowly walks up looking at everything…..

"Where am I!"

"Now now Snape calm down…. It's just a little TV show."

"What the Bloody Hell is a TV show?"

"Never mind that Snape."

"What do you mean never mind that? I have no idea where I am?"

"Snape shut up."

"And what is this smell and……"

"Snape Shut up."

"And look at all the muggles… and what the hell are you?"

"SNAPE JUST SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!"

"……………"

"Good now we can begin……. Servus Snape….Killed Dumbledore because he was really jealous of him and hated him because he wouldn't be in a homosexual relationship."

Tears slowly started coming from Snape's eyes….. Now he's full out baling like a baby "O GOD, IT'S TRUE! I was so mad…. Just so mad…. Why? WHY! Why couldn't have just loved me like I loved Him! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Awww poor Snape, but to bad for you because you're an evil greasy git that nobody loves."

"BUT WHY?"

"Why? Because your ugly and don't wash your self."

"O right….."

"Ok moving on….. Snape's Beauty partner is…..Lucius Malfoy."

Lucius Malfoy runs on stage at this point

"Beauty Partners? Were more than that"

"Lucius please…." Snape begs

"Ooooo oh my god what are you guys then?" Snufulufagus asks

"Lucius no….." Snape begged again

"Where Lovers!"

twitch twitch "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You and Snape? GAY!" Snufulufagus Screamed and then rolled down on the floor in laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" –Snufulufagus

At this point all the Harry potter people have come on stage and start laughing at Snape and Lucius.

Laughter

More Laughter

Laughter

More laughter

Laughter

More Laughter

"OK! That's enough!" Snufulufagus said and everyone stopped laughing and left leaving Snufulufagus, Snape, and Lucius alone again.

"So……….." Snufulufagus started again.

Lucius was holding Snape's with a huge smile on his face and Snape looking murderous.

They exchanged glances for the next five minutes.

"So…. Lucius since you're here, we might as well do you to… ok lets see…. Lucius Malfoy….. loves beautiful Red Roses and romantic candle like dinners and strawberries covered in cream."

"O yes I do! I adore doing that! Me and Snapey do it all the time!" Lucius said.

"LUCIUS! Snape yelled.

"Oh My Freaking God! This is even better then I thought! Your dating SNAPE! Ugly Greasy Git, SNAPE! God that's funny!" Laughed Snufulufagus.

"HEY! Don't call my lover a git! He may be a git but your not even human! What are you?"

"That would be none of your business."

"What ever!"

"That's it I can't stand these queers anymore. Please take them away." Said Snufulufagus waving towards the security.

Security comes over and drags away Snape and Lucius away…..

I'm sorry this took so long and it's so short. I feel so bad now. I would have had it out yesterday but I couldn't work on it because my computer kept freezing and I was scared the computer would freeze and then I would loose it all. Read and review!

Next Chapter:

"Next up we have the Weasley twins! Come on ou…… Kaboom ….. OH No What was That!"

Next week on Know Your Stars, Murder on the T.V Show!

Who killed the Michael Jackson?

Was it Fred? Or Sirius? Or was it Me…..?

STAY TUNED!


End file.
